As a first responder, you are trained to handle high-pressure situations and respond quickly and effectively to emergencies.

Over the course of your career, you take in a lot of experiences, some of which can become incredibly difficult to shake. A common statement I hear from first responders is,

“The call wasn’t even that bad - I don’t understand why it’s stuck in my head.”

This is a sentiment shared by many, but when we dig deeper, we often discover that the root of the issue may not lie in the actual call itself.

The Hidden Triggers Behind Lingering Calls

When we dive deeper into these situations, we often find that the issue isn’t the emergency itself, but rather something linked to earlier experiences or something that happened during or after the call. It could be a partner’s sarcastic response to their first dead body, a supervisor questioning a decision that felt justified at the time.

Many first responders struggle with feelings of abandonment or rejection following a tough call. These feelings are tough in a profession where trust among colleagues is essential— even a slight breach of that trust can have a profound emotional impact.

In those moments, when the stress is already high and you're left feeling unsupported, your brain and body can sometimes store that experience in illogical ways.

You’re not just processing the specifics of the call itself, but also the emotional and psychological impact of feeling isolated or dismissed in a high-stakes environment.

This is where the real challenge lies: understanding that the trauma isn’t necessarily related to the physical aspects of the emergency, but rather how the situation was handled, perceived, and interacted with by others involved.

Sensory Fragments: Why Certain Details Stick While Others Fade

When it comes to how our brains store trauma, our brains and bodies are wired to protect us, and they do so by storing information that can help us avoid similar situations in the future.

However, when we experience trauma— related to the call itself or to how we were treated in the aftermath—the way our brain stores that information can be fragmented. This means that instead of a coherent, logical memory of the event, the information is stored in sensory fragments: sights, sounds, smells, and emotions that don’t necessarily connect in a way that makes sense to the logical side of our brain.

For example, you might actually remember the sound of your partner’s sarcastic comment, or the image of being left alone at the scene as a rookie, but the actual call—the one you might have thought would be the most traumatic part—doesn’t stick in the same way. This fragmented storage of trauma can make it difficult to understand why the memory still lingers, as it doesn't always fit into the narrative of what happened during the call itself. It becomes more about the emotions, the abandonment, or the conflict between how you anticipated something going versus what actually happened.

How Support (or Lack of It) Shapes Trauma Memory

If you have a call (or a series of calls) that you can’t shake, try to look past the call itself and think about what was happening during or after the incident. What was your relationship with your partners at the time? How did you feel in the moments before, during, and after the call? Did you feel supported or abandoned by your team? Were decisions made or actions taken that left you questioning your abilities or your place in the team?

Sometimes, the key to understanding why a particular call is still "stuck" is in these small details that don’t seem directly connected to the emergency itself. Once you uncover these underlying emotions, you can begin to process and integrate them into your brain’s natural protective mechanisms, helping you move forward and unburden yourself from the memories that continue to resurface.

The Power of Talking It Through

The process of integrating these memories can take time, and it often requires support. This may mean talking it through with a trusted partner, supervisor, or therapist who understands the complexity of the job and the emotional toll it can take. By addressing the feelings of abandonment, rejection, or isolation that often accompany these experiences, you can begin to reduce the weight of these memories.

If you’re struggling with a call that doesn’t seem to make sense in terms of why it still affects you, don’t be afraid to dig deeper. It’s not just about the call itself—it’s about the way you were affected by the people around you, the environment, and the emotional impact that lingered after the event. By understanding and processing these layers, you can start to free yourself from the grip that these memories may have on you.