I’m Thinking Of Taking My Life
The majority of people have fleeting thoughts about wanting to end it all,
but many have persistent thoughts that extend beyond just thoughts into plans and attempts. The trauma from a law enforcement career weighs heavy, top that off with admin that aren’t supportive, marital issues, financial issues, etc. and it can feel crushing to continue on with life as “normal.”
Our brains recognizing that we are struggling, want to help by offering up suicide as a solution. Read that again,
suicidal ideation is simply a potential solution to your problem.
It is natural for human brains to look for the fastest, most effective way to solve the problem and suicide for many seems like a good solution. However, suicide is a short-term band-aid for you to stop the pain quickly, and a long-term wound that will never really heal for everyone else. Even if you think no one else will care or it will be better for others, the ripple effect of your death affects so many people.
Now my recommendation is always seeking out a therapist to help you figure out why this symptom is coming up for you. I think the biggest misconception that I’ve heard from cops is that I can’t be fully honest with my therapist because they’ll have me hauled off and that is just not the case, especially with a LE competent therapist. Suicidal ideation does not scare most of us, we just need you to tell us so we can help you work with it.
If you meet with a therapist, here is what they would assess for: thoughts, plan, intention, means. Just because you have suicidal thoughts does not mean they’re hauling you off for a grippy sock vacation in the psych ward. If you are seeing a first responder competent therapist, we understand that you always have a means with carrying a gun and knives. However, that still does not mean you check off all the criteria. The most important piece of an assessment is the intention. If we can find reasons for you to live and you’re willing to take a look at it with us, we can work with that.
If you are experiencing suicidal ideation that is starting to interfere with your daily life, here are a few things that can help:
1. Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART), EMDR, Brainspotting, or any good trauma-based therapy. I always say, if you could talk your way out of trauma, my job wouldn’t exist. These therapies work with the body to help you clear that shit out.
2. Ketamine – wild I know but it’s being shown to work really well for mental health.
3. Intentionally find glimmers or moments of good throughout your day. Our brains keep us in negative thinking patterns to keep up safe but it also can really affect us mentally. Intentionally looking for the good spots can help open up our tunnel vision.
4. Transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) is a procedure that uses magnetic fields to stimulate nerve cells in the brain to help reduce symptoms of depression.
5. Medications – I know there is still a stigma about meds but they can be life-changing for many.
6. Build your resiliency factors:
Cold exposure – This can help you build up your resiliency factors.
Balancing hormones and vitamin levels – Meeting with a nutritionist or doctor can help you balance those levels out which can help you build resiliency too. Because hormones are crazy and if they’re off it can cause a lot of symptoms.
Sleep – Don’t roll your eyes, if you can get sleep figured out it can help a ton in building resiliency. Drop the temp, black out curtains, and don’t eat large meals overnight to help keep your circadian rhythm on schedule. If nightmares are in the mix, go back to number 1 to help with this.
Community – Go to couples therapy, start up a hobby again, find a community that keeps you wanting to stay here.
Ask your doctor or therapist about options that might be good for you and your specific symptoms. The good news is there are so many options out there and science is still coming up with ways to treat this so maybe you make a deal with yourself that you keep trying every option until there are literally no more options.
At the end of the day, please remember that no matter what your brain has told you, we do really want you here.
Written by Mel Keene
Mel is a licensed associate therapist that specializes in first responders and is the wife of a trooper. She is passionate about bringing good, practical wellness solutions to first responders.
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